Yoga to me is like pickles. I keep trying to like both, but
every time I try either, nothing changes. No matter what kind of pickle I try --
Kosher dill, sour, or those sweet ones you often find on burgers -- I just
don't like them. It's the same with yoga. I've heard about all the benefits of yoga -- improved
flexibility, stronger muscles, improved posture, reduced stress and increased
spirituality -- but still, I don't like yoga.
The Beginning
I started attending yoga classes because my daughter was
taking it for her physical education course at school. She loved it, and it is
no small feat when a teenager shows an interest in anything positive. So I
figured I needed to try, too. Plus, my
gym conveniently houses a yoga studio. It was the perfect set up.
Too Hard
I showed up to my first class. The atmosphere was one I
found more suited to a relaxing spa day, but I was at the gym. When I work out,
I like to listen to loud music and work hard. This seemed altogether too
relaxing for me, but I was open-minded. And then came the poses. We needed to
get into certain postures that would flow naturally to the next pose, which I
later learned is "hatha
yoga." There were about eight or 10 such poses that we'd repeat what
seemed like 100 times. It was really difficult, and I'm in pretty good shape.
Too Easy
The next experience I had was much easier, but it was too
easy. It felt like one long warm-up with no real exercise involved. I didn't
see the point of that one. I tried a few more classes, but nothing seemed
satisfying.
Too Weird
I also never found an instructor I liked. I mean, they all
seemed like wonderful people, but being a captive audience to the various
stories they told made me wonder whether I was attending a poetry reading or a
performance art show.
Too Illegal
The strange words were
a little off-putting: Namaste, for one. It was all getting somewhat cultlike
for my tastes. And what is the deal with hot yoga performed in
105-degree-Fahrenheit conditions? Yes, I know the heat is supposed to prime the
muscles for enhanced stretching, but some people do this to lose weight. They
should wake up. The only weight loss going on is temporary water weight. Not to
mention that its founder Bikram Choudhury was
sued for sexual harassment, and then settled. Not very yogi-like.
Too Narcissistic
My conclusion is that yoga's for skinny people who like to
show off their cute, overpriced Lululemon
yoga pants they can then wear to Whole Foods as they pick out their faux
hamburgers, nondairy ice cream and tofu.
Maybe Not the End
I know I'd probably get more out of yoga if I had a better
mindset and took time to learn the discipline, but meh. On the other hand, I
found that I like the pickles at Ted's
Montana Grill. So maybe there is still hope for yoga yet.
Photo by Robert Bejil
Wikimedia Commons
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